December 2009
2 posts
Crop Circles are Chuck Norris’ way of saying Sometime corn just needs to lay the fuck down!
November 2009
17 posts
having a positive attitude will not solve all of your problems, but you’ll annoy enough people making it worth the effort.
On Facebook, I liked your status, and now 25 comments later, I’m hating myself for liking your status.
There is great need for a sarcasm font.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday
night more kisses begin with Coors Lite than Kay’s
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Ever miss a call& immediately call back, it rings 9x and goes
to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone &run away?
Can we all just agree to ignore
whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my
collection…again.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you
how the person died.
Stupidity is not a hadicap. Park elsewhere.
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
Don’t lead to temptation…I have my own GPS.
Facebook sugestions said I need to reconnect with so and so, who is my husband. So, Facebook is now into marital counseling!
everyone’s been complaining about the ‘new facebook’, but I gotta say I’m impressed…
.@andreahh funny, cause my phone# must be 1 off from someone always late paying their bills. The wierdest part is how similar the names are!
But, thank you for making my biological clock stop ticking!
Maybe you think so since he’s your baby, but HELL NO, noone else thinks your baby is even remotely cute when he crying! Seriously!?
The two most overused keys on Tony Danza’s keyboard are “A-O” RT @iowaradioguy
October 2009
3 posts
Better to remain silent and thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt
Do I still have time to get in a #FF? It’s still Friday in a couple time zones, right?
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
September 2009
11 posts
If a Cocker Spaniel and a Maltese had a puppy, would it be called a “cocktese”?
Kanye West…would like to interrupt your Twitter stream to tell you that Beyonce should have won best female video at the VMA’s…
Isn’t making marijuana illegal like saying God made a mistake? I’m asking for my dealer.
Does everyone have that fb ‘friend’ who changes their relationship status daily? Yeah, we’re not buying it that you’re pimping that hard.
After digging in your ass for an hour, don’t bite your fingernails. At the very least, make sure no one is watching you. Thanks, Audience
I had to call in sick. It was embarassing having to tell my boss I have anal glaucoma. Meaning, I cannot see my ass going in to work today!
August 2009
86 posts
Just to clarify, I don’t hate going to work so much, it’s just the eight hour wait to go home that kills me!
#howmanypeople think there is something with #ZacPleaseFollowme being a trending topic?
Just added myself to the http://wefollow.com twitter directory under: #noxapater_ms #humor #lau #cardmaking #blogger #cats
M=men. I have MILF’s, too @Bakemyfish @JephKelley @Jorshuwah @SuburbanSecrets @Mtrazz @BenMarvin @Burwell all hot all funny all the time #FF
On CNBC right now, Porn: Buisness of Pleasure. They must be trying to get more viewers. Guess it’s working, I’m turning it on.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
muh ladies, slumber parties with pillow fights, facial masks and watching old 90210 episodes are optional, but I was thin/How bout tonight!?
GILTGOGDWABBFF’s= girls I’d like to go out get drunk with and become bff’s @nhmagpie @omg_wth @jane_bot @chatblanc @Ruthakers muh ladies #FF
(cont.)
Gandhi walked barefoot which gave him callused feet. He ate so little making him frail, with his odd diet, he had bad breath. This made him.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra…
Sometimes you gotta spend a little money, to save a little money, I always say. Amirite? Please say I’m right so I feel better about myself!
Twitterbelle faves @carrmah @GPappalardo @badbanana @DeathBlossom @jane_bot @8_6Eazy_C @sween @adtothebone @biorhythmist http://bit.ly/76NUo
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.